To Be Your Painting.

I clear my mind,
I see white...

Then I feel your hands touch me,
And in a moment
I'm a canvas.

What was peace a moment ago,
Turns into a longing;
A desperation for you to love me,
And never let go.

To trust me in the darkest of times,
And hold me when I'm cold.

I want you to paint me in the brightest of colours,
With the happiest of memories.
Even if they tarnish over time.

I'll have a reason to live for.
To be your painting.
Your untold poetry.
It's okay that you hide me from the world,
All I care about is that you see me.

Fear.

"Be it the day or the middle of the night,
I hear fear breathe in me...
It clutches my heart tighter every second.
I see thirsty shadows...
Wandering all about me.
Waiting for me to kneel in front of them.
Waiting for my downfall.
I look around in desperate need,
For something to hold on to.
All I see is darkness,
Feeding upon me.
It's a mixed feeling-
Not knowing whether you are scared or strong.
You don't even know what you want.
Whether to hang on or to let go
But there is nothing to hang on to."

Yet she fools herself everyday;
Dwells on false hopes and prays.
Things won't change ever,
That's the reality that confronts her.

That feeling when you drown.

I breathe.
Every sec.
Without thinking;
I don't give it importance.
I don't realise,
Until I suffocate.
Nothing fills my body at this point except fear;
I panic.
I would do anything to come up...
To not be engulfed by this monster...
Which gave me peace and happiness just a moment ago.
My feet paddle,
Struggling to come up.
My hands slapping the water,
Or waiting for someone to grab them.
I want to scream,
But I don't.
The water enters my nostrils.
I suffocate even more.
I want to come up.
I'd give up anything to come up.
It scares me,
To not be able to live again.
I want to live.
But I drown.
I go deeper.
Without wanting to.
Now I am still.
As much I can be.
There is no hope.
I think my brain has stopped thinking.
It is just there..
It has given up....
But I haven't reached the bottom yet;
I want to touch the ocean bed.
So that I can muster up the courage to jump,
I want to be able to float again.

The Meeting Place.

He comes to me.
I love it.
I hear him talk.
He is music to my ears...
Sometimes he's angry;
Other times, calm.
I wonder whether it's me reflecting him,
Or him shining back me...
I see myself in him;
He looks at me.
And we stare...
Unblinking.
Both lost in he blue hue of the sky.
The stars make the moment magical for us.
They burn to light us up.
We stay in a darkness unseen.
Coldness wrapped around us.
He kisses my feet...
The wave.
But he takes away a part of me with him,
Into the deep dark ocean.
Every time.

The Mistake.

When you pull a thread to set things right,
Everything crumbles up,
Only loosening up those ties.

I don't know how to hold things together,
Or undo my mistakes.
I'm sorry I let the situation get worse;
I'm sorry we're not friends.

You were the person who knew everything
I was thinking...
Before I even spoke a word.
You could look me in the eyes,
And steal all my secrets inearthed.

What made us drift apart?
You were my strength...
In time, you're my weakness.
And now I am broken; so much in pain.
Even the broken pieces of my heart
Are too hurt to wince.

Hope.

She sees bright snowflakes
In the dark of the night;
She hears sweet music
In the chaos of life.

The tear that wells up in her eye,
Only softens the rigid lines.
She still wears that sweet smile,
And chooses to forget what is left behind.

But pain is no less evil;
It doesn't let her breathe.
It latches onto every happy memory,
And makes her writhe in grief.

She bequeaths all the good times,
And kisses the bitter or the sweet.
As a just connoisseur,
She tastes all confines.

She reaches for sky-high,
Even though she is grounded;
She looks around in hope,
Even when she is stranded.

To be.

I want to be a free bird;
Fly across distances.
I want to be able to breathe in
The cold fresh air,
And then close my eyes to
Feel it brush past my face.
I want to  free fall...
Get lost in the blue vastness.
Like I have nothing to care about;
No worries to clench me.
I want to cease the moment,
And feel the void.
The feeling of not being happy or sad,
But the feeling to be...
I want to stay there for as long as it takes
To achieve eternal bliss.
To realise my existence and bask in my own presence.
Like there is no entity so pure, so free..
Or more satisfied than me!